I dunno. I really dunno. the music im listening to now is that song...
so maybe that's it!
nothing much happening this new year's day. My mom and dad went back to our farm, my brother is off playing computer with his friends, my sis is off I'm sure to meet a guy somewhere but she's leaving on the premise that she's off to the salon. Yeah, like i would go to the salon in a skirt... with a pretty sexy shirt... haha! This is just because i usually go to the salon in my sweats.. pambahay shorts and then coupled with pambahay shirts.. The last time i went to get my regular every 2 weeks foot spa.. which incidentally looking at my feet right now.. i need to get.. i was wearing the nicest/cutest outfit.. they ever saw me in.. my manicurist aileen.. told me i was cute.. haha.. not to mention the compliments of the receptionist.. my gay hairstylist.. etc..etc..
so there.. what's my point?
nothing. absolutely nothing.
mac spent New Years with us. He went to my dad's side of the family--family reunion spearheaded my moi's family held in our farm. So suddenly, i was like.. where the hell are the people? Ok. i dunno if its because the farm is sooo big.. or that i was getting older or something.. but we suddently felt such an isty bitsy group.. where have all my relatives gone?
they are like migrating to saudi or to germany or to the states or whatever...
bakit ayaw niyo.. tumira sa pinas?
hmm.. honestly.. i want to travel but i want to live in the Philippines. Wait, so how the hell am i going to marry a foreigner while living here? hmmm... whatever.
Don't want to think about it anymore.. my mind's too messed up right now.
ok. to make life simpler.. i'll just go and type anyything that comes to mind..
ok.. officially tomorrow is the end of the holidays.. if you don't count the three kings.. and choy promised me that we would go out after the holidays.. what to do? what to do?
my batchmates in APAC will be going out for lunch in tagaytay this january 3, and incidentally, i am getting robie's friend.. Ralph.. who she tells me is uber gwapo a ride to our farm in Silang. So there.. hope i can spark one ounce of jelousy from choy.
ok. and the weirdest thing happened when i was in the pantry last Dec 31.. someone kissed my hand.. and said happy new year! ok.. it was like --- freak out time mode! He wasn't cute at all.. and he was kinda weird.. well.. at least someone did it right?
but the weird thing is.. choy wasn't there to witness it.. so there.. and also, i texted choy a happy new year thingie.. and he isn't texting back.. which is weird since he texted me last christmas merry xmas back.. so why is he not texting back now? annoying... i swear!
he makes me want to hit him with my car... he's confused. im confused. we're all confused.
siguro i should just assume na kami na.. which incidentally i cannot do. so there. nangutang ako sa kanya ng 15 pesos and he was like.. i can't describe the look that he gave me... weird.. i tell you.. if we do have a relationship which is a BIGGGG IFFFF.. insecurity will be a very big issue.
i have a car, he doesn't/
i have a business, he doesn't.
i have an S-player rating, he doesn't/
im from UP, he isn't...
etc..etc..
hey.. speaking of S player.. im a superior player in my workplace.. oh di ba? pinangarap ko lang A-player tapos biglang naging S-player.. weirdness to the extreme.. i can't even understand why i became one.. now its a constant battle to sell like hotcakes and maintain that.
ok. i also got an email from bestfoods.. i have an initial interview this january 6.. natatakot ako.. ewan ko kung bakit. ayaw ko na ma-p and g.. and jnj.. if you know what i mean..
am i ready to go into the corporate world? am i?
hay.
i hate growing up talga.
i hate it almost as i hate choy not texting me back.
it sucks that when you finally find a guy that you do like.. he doesn't like you back. it sucks.
it's not as if he's like the freakin' catch of the century.. cause he isn't
ok. when the holidays are over. im going to lose weight.. im going to probablyt do a lot of exercise and then.. im soooo tempted to go BP.
mac told me not to. dino told me not to. my sis told me not to. but i do want to.
sobra. quick fix to all my problems. although the rational and intelligent human being in me is telling me that quick fixes never work.. the emotional and severely love sick girl in me..which in this aspect is out full force wants to do it...
and i also think that i may be developing anorexia and bulimia. Slight anorexia.. but bulimia.. i think im half there.. i like to binge a lot.. and vomit a lot. so there.
this whole choy thing is not good for me.
and also, there's more delays in the Modules Creatives inc company. i dunno.
once again, im in a plateau. I swear.. my life has more plateaus than it has mountains to climb.
ok.. i'll make a deal with you right now.
if choy and i do end up together.
i promise to
1. lose weight but not through BP
2. get MCI up and running with zealous passion and entrepreneurial spirit...
3. get flawless and white skin with gluto.. something...
4. and be the best girlfriend that i can be..
i want to be a girlfriend now na!
i want to be choy's girlfriend na! as in now na!
heaven doesn't give us all that we want. But please.. give me this thing? for the first time in my life, i want to accept a person for all that they are.. failures and all... and give them a part of myself.
ok. let me clarify that. for the first time i want to do that to someone who's not a friend of family member.
im an open book, true.
but just like a book, the words that you can read are not what's important. It's the way that it is put together to form something. How from a simple sentence of -- I love you. Can mean so much more.
I'm an open book. But im so much more.
I'm a sentence?
weird ko no?
kaya siguro ayaw sa akin ni choy.
hay.
i tetext ko ba siya?
there is only so much that my pride can take. kahit ako nalilito na on how to go about it.. should i make him jealous.. or should i make pa-cute..
pero one thing is for sure. I like him the mostest..
hay.. life truly gives us shit.. and this new year is bound to give me more shit.
and more shit.
but what is life without shit?
B-O-R-I-N-G
and i've been to boring.. and im not going back there no more..
life is all about shitting..
you do something = you eat something
somebad thing happens = like your stomach reacting to it and stuff
you hurt = you want to shit
you find a way to solve the hurt = you go to the bathroom
and you let the hurt go and recover = you shit
you end up happier and a better person = you feel relieved and lighter after..
di ba? life is all about shitting. its a vicious cycle..
haha.. im getting weirder by the minute..
this has got to be the longest blog ever..
haha.. boredom..
happy new year to everyone!
im going to go to sleep or try and text choy.
it doesn't matter if he doesn't text me back... at least i tried.
peace to everyone!
oh and yeah. i found mike barnaby in friendster...